Get to know Spencer

Like many people’s journey to therapy, my journey began with a break-up in my mid-thirties. My life just before that, on paper, seemed like it was at its height. I was a successful travel writer, editor, and photographer (moonlighting as a budding cocktail maker), having traveled to 35 countries, and had worked with some of the most recognizable travel and lifestyle brands. It was a short walk from my Santa Monica, California home to the beach. And I was in a relationship, which though just a few months old, felt my most meaningful relationship to date. 

What I’d built, however, was less a sturdy skyscraper and more of a wobbly Jenga tower. And the end of that relationship started to reveal the cracks of my life—a life that had been built on coping mechanisms to avoid my traumatic past and multi-generational trauma. All of a sudden, the question wasn’t so much, should I go to therapy? But rather, how could I not go to therapy?

I walked into my first therapist’s office with the confidence of a kid negotiating his first allowance, telling her that I was there voluntarily, that I’d previously worked as a therapist’s assistant out of college, and that I didn’t want to be talked to like it was my first rodeo. I told her to not take it easy on me and to give me homework. I immediately regretted it. 

That was the beginning of my life changing forever. You see for years I had been searching for through lines—in the places I traveled to, the cultures I immersed myself in, and the people I encountered. But I had never explored the through lines of my own life. I had never dared to pull on the threads of my chaotic childhood, my family’s dark history, or the patterns I’d inherited. There’s a saying in psychology: We repeat what we don’t repair. And until I faced my emotional inheritance, my perpetuation of patriarchy, and the patterns that weren’t serving me, then history would just keep repeating itself. The moment I began to unravel those threads of my story and follow the through lines, my true journey began.

It inspired me go back to school to pursue a Master of Science in Positive Psychology (graduating in December) so that I could help others rewrite their own stories. I now help men break free from old patterns, build deeper connections, and step into more authentic versions of who they are.

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Why “The Through Line”?

It’s long been held that the term “through line” was coined by famous Russian theatre actor and director, Konstantin Stanislavski, widely considered the father of method acting. A through line is like an invisible line—also considered a thread, anchor, theme, pattern—that guides actors, actresses, and stories through an entire performance. As a lifelong movie, TV, and book fiend—and a writer and editor for nearly two decades—I've always seen the world through the lens of through lines. I’m a sucker for a hero’s journey. After all, I was born the year that Return of the Jedi was released.

On a more personal level, through lines can be thought of as patterns that underlie our life. Yet there are many patterns and systems—like patriarchy—which can wreak havoc on our lives and our relationships. My wish is to help people break free from those patterns that no longer serve them and build deeper, more authentic through lines in their life. The question that guides my work is this: What's your story? And perhaps equally as important, what do you want your story to be?

You may have questions. I have answers.

  • I’m not. I’m a firm believer in talk therapy, which has truly been one of the most impactful things in my life. However, when choosing to return to school, I decided that licensed therapy wasn’t for me. To quote one of the most famous American psychologists, Abraham Maslow in Motivation and Personality, “The science of psychology has been far more successful on the negative than on the positive side. It has revealed to us much about man’s shortcomings, his illness, his sins, but little about his potentialities, his virtues, his achievable aspirations, or his full psychological height.”

    And so I got a Master of Science in Positive Psychology, which had an emphasis on historical and contemporary research and evidence-based interventions to help people improve their lives.

  • I’m a coach, facilitator, and educator. Think of me as helping remove thought and behavior patterns that no longer serve you, building your mental fitness, and helping you grow.

    This is actually a full-circle moment for me, since in college, before graduating with a degree in philosophy, I studied physical education with an emphasis in special education. My first three years out of college involved working as a therapist assistant with kids and adults with autism (and other mental health conditions) for the South Carolina Mental Health Department and working as a regional manager for a North Carolina company, LIFESPAN, which provided community programs for kids and adults with disabilities.

  • I can not accept insurance, since my work doesn’t fall under traditional treatments that insurance covers.

  • Psychology has traditionally focused on people’s problems. Positive psychology, on the other hand, is a strengths-based approach to mental health. Positive psychology, not to be confused with toxic positivity, was founded in 1998 by the newly-elected president of the American Psychological Association (APA) at the time, Dr. Martin Seligman.

    My favorite definition of positive psychology comes from Dr. Shelly Gable and social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, who defined it in their 2005 article in the Review of General Psychology, "What (and Why) is Positive Psychology." They write:

    “Positive psychology’s aim is not the denial of the distressing, unpleasant, or negative aspects of life, nor is it an effort to see them through rose-colored glasses. Those who study topics in positive psychology fully acknowledge the existence of human suffering, selfishness, dysfunctional family systems, and ineffective institutions. But the aim of positive psychology is to study the other side of the coin—the ways that people feel joy, show altruism, and create healthy families and institutions—thereby addressing the full spectrum of human experience. Moreover, positive psychology makes the argument that these positive topics of inquiry are important to understand in their own right, not solely as buffers against the problems, stressors, and disorders of life.”

    You can read more in my Substack essay here, which dives into positive psychology’s history, research, and more.